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The Reflection Hour

This morning, I started my day out on a good note engulfing my morning with a healthy breakfast, prophetic words via YouTube, and positive self-reflections that put me in a good mental space. A mental space needed to get through a very long and important day. Over the past two years I have had the privilege of understanding how the mind, the heart, and the spirit work in a culminating way to help us create our 3D existence. Due to this understanding, I have made it a priority to start each day with meditation, prayer, prophecy, a healthy meal, and some form of practice to shape my day around a positive mindset. Sometimes that practice shows up as an unanticipated workout, a long walk by the lake, a journal entry, or simply a moment of solitude and mental solidarity where I explore the past, the present, and visualize the future God has ordained and conveyed to me is mine. Helping me to value what was, what is, and what will be. For most of my thirty-six years of living I have observed myself and come to understand the depth of who I am and what it is my soul desires to feel peaceful and purposeful within this human existence. Although I recognize how lengthy my journey has been and still will be I am grateful in ways I could never truly express in words. I also see the picture of life that is being painted for me and the people around me in real time and although the canvas is unfinished it is a beautiful image of God's love, favor, pruning, and development that is unfathomable.

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to visit my brother's new home, travel to Dc for a family day and spend time with the most important people in my life as a group. Marvin Jr gave us a comedic filled tour of his beautiful new place, while him and Gavis engaged in their messy comical sibling banter that kept me laughing nonstop, we all enjoyed a nice meal at a great restaurant , and me and my brothers were able to have a night out together which was something we hadn’t done in ten years as a unit. I found it astronomically amazing that the three brown siblings could engage amongst one another under the influence of light drinking, dark comedic exchange, while simultaneously revisiting old memories! Talk about the power of growth! I remember looking at my brothers and admiring their growth as now fully grown adult men. As I looked around at the internal and external imagery of who we all have become my heart felt heavy with gratitude. We’ve all been through so much, yet the resilience of our ancestors has shaped us into these smart, strong, independent, successful energies who have amazing testimonies about how we have evolved, overcame, and welcomed the prosperity that was always destined for us individually and as a unit.  I know what it is like to be a proud mom but the emotions I feel as it pertains to being a proud sister are indescribable. I remember being in the back seat Saturday while fighting off my anxiety from Marvins driving and thinking about how far we all have come after hearing Marvins joke that we all found to be hilarious. “Who would’ve thought we’d go from the Trailer Park to orange-dale, to this”. We all laughed but the irony spoke for itself. I then had a moment of clarity after hearing Marvin recount the day he walked in and witness me stabbing my mom's boyfriend at the age of ten and how he watched him struggle to breathe. This led him to the conclusion that he had developed trauma from that experience. I watched as he reenacted the situation and all I could feel was the favor of God on all our lives. That one experience could have gone so differently for all of us but throughout everything God always kept us together, and we were the three musketeers who may have gotten into a few sibling scraps one of which according to Marvin he always won.

But my weekend out reminded me that even in the darkest hours there is a light that sometimes doesn’t reveal itself until years later.  We didn’t have it easy, and we didn’t always honor our God given gifts and abilities but we were able to develop those gifts and form mergers with new gifts that we are now utilizing in our daily lives as we all travel down the yellow brick road of purpose building a legacy that has shattered generational curses we would have never known we had the ability to break. As we sat around a table enjoying good food and unlimited laughs, I witnessed so many beautiful components of our journey together and as individuals. We watched my oldest daughter blow out the candle on her celebratory dessert as we begun to prepare her for graduation day I thought about my motherhood journey.

Pregnant at seventeen, scared, and unaware of what lay ahead for me, I began to think about the life my child and children have had, that is one that surpasses the life we had. I also thought about the beauty of establishing futures for your children that enhance the power of failed narratives we often hold near and dear to our hearts. The narratives we deem as traumatic failures that hindered us from the existence, we felt were ours. Narratives we fail to understand were never ours to begin with. My mother did not finish high school, and years later I followed that same path, later obtaining a GED  which later led me to become a college graduate, but it was through the celebration of my daughters' achievements that I am now able to understand the blessing of failure and what it can mean for future generations. In a few hours I will have the privilege of watching my oldest daughter walk the stage, then head off to college and start a journey that I can feel is going to bring many blessings for all of us. The blessings I didn't get to witness at her age, yet God has blessed her with a village that is giving her the experiences I didn't have. Yesterday I watched a clip of Dreka Gates talking about the beauty of isolation and how it allows us to be introspective in ways that extend beyond projections, and victim mentalities. This weekend reminded me that even in moments where I have been the victim of trauma, discomfort, and failure I was never truly a victim. God allowed me to walk the road of defeat so that I could develop into a stronger, wiser, version of the person I once was so he could bless me with the agility to walk the road less traveled with faith that even when I felt alone he was there, and so was a brighter, better future.

My first love is going to walk the stage in a few hours, scared, excited, and prepared to obtain the future God has for her. She will also be doing so with a support system that has and will always have her back, and pour into her their knowledge, failures, and faith which is more than some of us had when we stepped off the porch on our own. Life will never be easy, perfect, or free from perils, but it will always be worth living when you walk by faith, spread love, extend kindness, share knowledge with the people around you, and lead with integrity. We often complain about the cards we have been dealt in life, failing to understand that there is power and purpose in every situation. It is up to us to alchemize our tragedy, hardship, and shortcomings into purpose for ourselves and our communities. Who would I be if I had not encountered those hard things in my past? My tongue speaks life into the lifeless, my eyes see the invisible, and my heart pours into the souls of the heartless who are simply just humans longing for a sense of direction after being smacked in the face by a trauma that was overbearing. I have been successful in seeing, hearing, and speaking to those who need it simply because I can account for all the times, I needed someone like me and didn't have access to such a resource. I am growing daily as a psychologist, businesswoman, mother, a spiritual being, a sister, a daughter, friend, teacher, pastor, and overall light-worker. I am not growing within my existence based on all the times I have gotten it right but more so from all the times within my life that I got it wrong. I am growing in the spirit of God, I am redeveloping my lineage, leaving behind a legacy that can inspire future generations, and I am building a legacy of curse breakers who will all have a call, and it is my hope that they will build upon the strengthening energy we all leave behind when it is our time to crossover. Looking back on the past eighteen years I have witnessed so much growth within the development of my loved ones. Growth that has extended and enhanced the success of the newer generation. This growth has made me understand the beauty of life and how reflecting on the past in a positive way helps to redefine, reshape, and evolve the future. Congratulations to Keniyah and all the 2024 graduates of Albemarle High School! I wish you all an amazing journey and I hope you all go on to do great things and pour into your communities!

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Ann White
07 jun

Nedra, you have grown into a beautiful, intelligent and phenomenal woman. I enjoyed reading your truthfulness and if everyone could be so open as you, maybe our families would appreciate each other more. I love your mom and dad, and Diane has done an outstanding job with you all.

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